Harry Potter
4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging
This address isn't real. We pinned Little Whinging to Camberley in Surrey Heath — the area facts are true to that corner of Surrey, the street-level figures are illustrative. Everything below is the £1.99 report.
Harry Potter and its characters, places and names are the creation of J.K. Rowling. This is an independent parody, written without their involvement: Area Autopsy is not affiliated with, endorsed by or connected to the rights holders.
GU15 — 47 of 48 checks graded, 1 doesn't apply here, correct as of 16 August 2026
Safe, dull and full of Muggles — the Surrey commuter belt doing what it does best. Low crime, good schools, and a proper A&E twelve minutes away. The catches are the private jets overhead and a bus service that quietly assumes you own two cars.
- Crime sits well below average — a quiet street, whatever the neighbours reported seeing by the alley.
- Frimley Park A&E is only about a 12-minute drive, which is rare for Surrey.
- Free unrestricted parking, plus a drive and garage on most houses.
- Good-rated primary and secondary within a mile, plus a boarding place in Scotland Ofsted has never set foot in.
- Farnborough's business jets pass overhead on weekdays, and the owl traffic peaks in late July — go and stand on the street at 8am before you decide.
- Two buses an hour on a weekday and thin at weekends — you will need a car, or remarkable luck at the kerb.
- Full fibre is available, but the line still drops for reasons Ofcom does not model.
- A 48-unit retirement scheme granted 0.6 miles away, worth reading before you commit.
Day to day it is easy and slightly dull, which is exactly how this household likes it: shops and a GP inside a ten-minute walk, the tip and the leisure centre a short drive, and a station you can reach on foot if you leave enough time. Budget for a car, budget nearer £2,800 than £2,300 on the council tax, and expect the neighbours to notice everything that arrives — by post or otherwise.
Environment & risk
Sits well outside the Blackwater's flood plain, on the higher ground north of the town, with no meaningful surface-water risk on the street itself. The cul-de-sac drains to a soakaway, which is the sort of thing the owner here would tell you about at length.
Well below average — 37 reported crimes near this area in July 2026, mostly vehicle crime and anti-social behaviour on the estate roads. Two reports last summer of cloaked figures loitering by the alley off Magnolia Crescent were logged and closed with no further action.
Nitrogen dioxide and particulates both sit comfortably inside healthy limits. The M3 is far enough south that its plume never reaches this side of town. The only emissions event ever recorded on this street was a chimney at number 4 discharging several hundred letters over one weekend in July 1991, which no monitoring station is set up to catch.
Low radon potential — this postcode isn't in a radon Affected Area, which is true of almost all of Surrey. Indicative area-level guidance, not a formal UKHSA radon report. Readings are taken at the lowest occupied level of a house, which here would mean the cupboard under the stairs — occupied, for a good long while, whatever the floor plan says.
About 48 decibels through the day — a cul-de-sac off a residential through-road picks up almost nothing. What you'll hear instead is next door's lawnmower, and this one's, which starts earlier than you'd like and is pushed by somebody who did not volunteer.
Farnborough Airport is about 4 miles south-west, and this address sits under the edge of its circuit — private jets rather than airliners, so it's a handful of movements an hour on a weekday rather than a constant stream. Heathrow is 20 miles north-east and too far off to register. Residents also report heavy low-altitude owl traffic in late July, concentrated on this address.
The Ascot–Guildford line runs about a mile south, screened by housing and trees. Close enough to walk to, too far to hear. Nothing scarlet has ever been seen on it.
No high-voltage lines, pylons or substations near the street — the nearest run is over a mile away across the golf course. Nothing to spoil a view the owner is very proud of.
A 48-unit retirement scheme has been granted 0.6 miles away on the old works site, plus 4 smaller applications within about a mile — including two at this address, one of which the council turned down flat. Nothing that changes the character of the street, but worth reading before you commit.
About 40 miles from the nearest coast, so there's no erosion picture to report. We still run the check on every address rather than quietly dropping it, so you can see it came back clear rather than wonder where it went. The closest this household has come to a coastal exposure is the night they spent on a rock in the sea, well past the last road, on a packet of crisps and four bananas.
Connectivity
Full-fibre (FTTP) reaches this postcode with speeds up to 900 Mbps. Available is not the same as installed, mind — plenty of houses on streets like this are still on a copper line because nobody in them wanted the disruption. Ofcom's model also makes no allowance for magic, which is the other thing that takes the line down round here.
Reliable 4G from all four networks, and 5G from three of them. Coverage models cannot see indoors, mind, and the landline at this address spends long stretches off the hook by choice — so do not read too much into how quiet the place is.
Health & education
The nearest primary is 0.4 miles away, rated Good by Ofsted, and the nearest secondary is a Good-rated comprehensive 1.1 miles off. There's a boarding independent 5.8 miles off as well, if you are the sort of household that would rather pay than send a child to the comprehensive up the road. Ofsted ratings cover England only, which is why the Scottish boarding school that takes the odd child off this street from the age of eleven comes back unrated.
The nearest GP surgery is 0.45 miles away, about a 9-minute walk. Whether anyone here is registered is another matter — this is a household that treats an ailment as something you have picked up to draw attention to yourself.
A pharmacy in the parade of shops is 0.35 miles away, about a 7-minute walk. Fine for plasters and paracetamol; for anything that has to be stirred counter-clockwise you want an apothecary, and the nearest of those is a train ride and a brick wall away.
Frimley Park Hospital has a full A&E and is 3.4 miles away, about a 12-minute drive. One of the better-placed addresses in Surrey for this — most of the county is a good deal further from a blue light. The other hospital this street has had cause to use is in central London, is entered through a shop window, and appears in no NHS directory we can search.
6 dentists within 2 miles, the nearest a 10-minute walk. Google can't tell you which take NHS patients, so ring round before you count on one. None of the six is the husband-and-wife practice that turned out the cleverest witch of her age — that one is the far side of London, and its owners emigrated to Australia at very short notice.
7 nurseries and childminders within 2 miles, the nearest a 6-minute walk. No shortage of options in a town built for commuters with young families. The cheapest on this street is still the lady two roads over with the cats, who charges nothing, smells powerfully of boiled cabbage, and has never once been thanked properly for it.
Lifestyle
A playground on the recreation ground off Magnolia Crescent is 0.25 miles away, with a second in the park beyond. Well used by local teenagers well past the age it was built for. The swings have been broken since the mid-nineties and everybody on the street knows which boy from number 4 did it.
A Sainsbury's is 0.9 miles away and there is a Tesco Express in the local parade 0.35 miles off. Aldi and Waitrose are both within 3 miles, so you can be as thrifty or as pointed about it as you like. All four sell grapefruit, on which one member of this household holds strong and well-documented views.
The recreation ground is 250 yards away — about a 5-minute walk — with two more parks and a stretch of common within a mile. Green space is the one thing this part of Surrey never runs short of.
21 venues within about a mile and a quarter (11 restaurants, 6 cafés, 4 pubs). Most of it clustered on the high street rather than anywhere near the street itself.
5 takeaways within about a mile and a quarter. This counts venues Google categorises for takeaway or delivery, not live platform coverage.
3 pubs within about a mile, the nearest 0.7 miles away on the main road. Not a walk-to-the-local street — this is golf club territory, and the drinking mostly happens there. All three have their door on the street and their name over it, which is more than the Leaky Cauldron manages.
No barber within 2 miles says it's a Turkish one, going by the sign above the door and their own listings. That doesn't mean there isn't one round here — just that nobody's saying so. Haircuts at this address have historically been done in the kitchen with a pair of sewing scissors — mixed results, and on one occasion a full regrowth by morning.
2 vape shops within 2 miles, both on the high street. Counted from shops Google lists as selling vapes, so the odd corner shop with a stand behind the till won't show up here.
6 gyms and fitness venues within 2 miles, the nearest a 16-minute walk. Boxing club included, which the local teenagers have made good use of.
A Post Office counter in the local parade is 0.35 miles away, with 3 banks and 5 cash machines within 2 miles. Post to this address has occasionally arrived by other means. The nearest bank open through the night is Gringotts, in central London, and it is on no high street we can find.
4 vets within 2 miles, the nearest an 18-minute walk. None of them list owls, which is worth knowing before you take one on.
The town library is 0.7 miles away, about a 14-minute walk. No restricted section, and it lends to anyone holding a utility bill rather than a signed note from a professor.
The nearest leisure centre with a pool is 1.4 miles away, about a 6-minute drive or a half-hour walk. Swimming lessons here are heavily oversubscribed in term time. No Quidditch pitch inside the search radius, though nobody at this address would thank you for one.
An allotment site is 0.55 miles away, about an 11-minute walk. The map only shows that the site exists — most UK allotments run a waiting list, so check availability with the council. The garden at this address is kept to a standard that would make the site look untidy.
The household waste recycling centre (tip) is 2.6 miles away, about a 9-minute drive. Handy for the trips a wheelie bin won't cover, and for anything you would rather the neighbours didn't see going out.
Sandhurst Memorial parkrun is 2.2 miles away and Frimley Lodge parkrun 2.6 — both a drive rather than a jog, which is how this household would have wanted it. Closer in there is some off-road path and track, some of it on public rights of way, but the mile around the door is mostly pavement and cul-de-sac. The only sustained running ever done from this address was away from the house rather than around it.
People & community
A settled, ownership-dominated area where people stay put for decades. Around 78% of homes here are owner-occupied (England 61%), 15% privately rented and 6% social housing (England 21% and 17%). Streets like this one are where that figure comes from. Muggle households throughout, as far as anyone can tell you — the census does not ask. Census 2021.
Well below the national level of household deprivation. About 36% of households in this part of Surrey Heath are deprived in at least one of the four census measures — employment, education, health or housing — against 51.6% across England. Census 2021.
In March 2026 the Home Office had 84 people on its books across the whole of Surrey Heath, and none of them in a hotel. They're in ordinary rented houses and flats spread around the borough. It's a count for the whole council area, mind — the Home Office never says which buildings anyone's in, so it tells you nothing about this street. We show it because it's a fair thing to want to know, and you're better off with the official number than with whatever's doing the rounds locally.
Cost & property
Band D council tax in Surrey Heath is £2,318/year. A four-bed semi on a street like this is more likely Band E or F, so budget nearer £2,800–£3,350. Your band depends on the property's VOA valuation, which counts bedrooms and does not count cupboards, however long somebody has slept in one.
Homes on this postcode sold 5 times in the last five years, from £498,000 to £645,000. Across Surrey Heath the average price is £487,400, up 2.1% on the year as of June 2026 (UK House Price Index). Number 4 itself has not changed hands in over twenty-five years.
Transport
3 bus stops within about half a mile, the nearest 300 yards away on the through-road. Roughly two buses an hour into town on a weekday and considerably less at weekends — this is a place that assumes you drive. There is also a triple-decker that will stop anywhere in the country for a stranded traveller, but it is not in the timetable and we do not count it.
The nearest station is 1.1 miles away, about a 22-minute walk, with services to London Waterloo in around an hour with a change. Fine for a daily commute if you are prepared to be at the station before seven. One household on this street makes the run into King's Cross instead, every 1 September without fail, for a platform that has never appeared on the departure boards.
Unrestricted on-street parking on the whole street, and most houses have a drive and a garage on top. Parking is one of the few things nobody on Privet Drive has ever fallen out over — the only car to cause a scene here left from a first-floor window rather than the kerb.
One live job within half a mile — a gas service connection on the through-road under temporary lights, mid-August into early September — with 3 more booked in inside the mile. Annoying for the school run rather than life-changing. The footway outside number 4 has been relaid twice in thirty years, both times after subsidence the contractor's report could not account for.
2 public EV charge points within about a 10-minute walk, the nearest 0.5 miles away at the supermarket. Off-street parking here means a home charger is straightforward, if the householder can be persuaded that electric cars are not a passing fad.
The nearest petrol station is 0.8 miles away on the main road — about a 3-minute drive. Handy for a company car putting in serious motorway miles on behalf of a drill manufacturer.
A few mapped cycle lanes within about a mile, mostly along the main roads, and little of it joined up. Quiet residential streets make the local runs pleasant enough; getting anywhere else means sharing an A road. This is a density read, strongest in towns and cities. The one racing bike on this street has covered well under a mile in fifteen years and is kept mainly for show.
Council & MP
Two councils cover this address today. Surrey Heath does the day-to-day — bins, planning applications and the council tax bill that lands on the mat — while Surrey County Council does the bigger stuff: schools, social care and the roads. Both are abolished in April 2027 and replaced by a single unitary, West Surrey Council, taking in Guildford, Runnymede, Spelthorne, Surrey Heath, Waverley and Woking; the shadow elections were held in May 2026. Worth knowing if you are budgeting off this year’s bill, because the authority sending it will not be the same one.
Dr Al Pinkerton has held Surrey Heath since July 2024. This is who writes back if you take a local issue — a planning row, a school place, a hospital waiting list — as far as Westminster. No sitting member has yet been asked to take up an admissions dispute with a school that Ofsted cannot find.
4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging
Data correct as of 16 August 2026
Safe, dull and full of Muggles — the Surrey commuter belt doing what it does best. Low crime, good schools, and a proper A&E twelve minutes away. The catches are the private jets overhead and a bus service that quietly assumes you own two cars.
What's good
- Crime sits well below average — a quiet street, whatever the neighbours reported seeing by the alley.
- Frimley Park A&E is only about a 12-minute drive, which is rare for Surrey.
- Free unrestricted parking, plus a drive and garage on most houses.
- Good-rated primary and secondary within a mile, plus a boarding place in Scotland Ofsted has never set foot in.
Worth checking
- Farnborough's business jets pass overhead on weekdays, and the owl traffic peaks in late July — go and stand on the street at 8am before you decide.
- Two buses an hour on a weekday and thin at weekends — you will need a car, or remarkable luck at the kerb.
- Full fibre is available, but the line still drops for reasons Ofcom does not model.
- A 48-unit retirement scheme granted 0.6 miles away, worth reading before you commit.
Moving in
Day to day it is easy and slightly dull, which is exactly how this household likes it: shops and a GP inside a ten-minute walk, the tip and the leisure centre a short drive, and a station you can reach on foot if you leave enough time. Budget for a car, budget nearer £2,800 than £2,300 on the council tax, and expect the neighbours to notice everything that arrives — by post or otherwise.
Environment & risk
Connectivity
Health & education
Lifestyle
People & community
Cost & property
Transport
Council & MP
Know a Muggle who's house-hunting?
The address is made up; the report is exactly the one you get for £1.99. Send it to anyone weighing up a move — or anyone who'd enjoy it. Takes ten seconds from the sofa.